Am I The Only One?

[guesswho]

Not turkey related, but am I the only one who gets bored and enjoys messing with Telemarketers? My cell phone just rang and it’s not a number I recognize, so if figured it was a safe bet it’s a telemarketer. Keep in mind my Wife’s name is Alice. Conversation went like this. Phone rings,

Me- Hello
TM- Is this Mrs. Alice Caudill?
Me- Yes it is!
Tm- Mr’s. Caudill are you still a diabetic?
Me- No, ever since my sex change operation my blood sugar has been in the acceptable range. I guess all those male hormones they injected into me me during my addadicktome stabilized my blood sugar issues.
TM- Uh
Me- Don’t worry baby, even though they closed up my innie and gave me an outie I still like men. Do you live close to Columbus Georgia? (It was a 706 area code)
TM- Uh, uh, click

So am I the only one who just goes off he wall with Telemarketers when your bored? Once my mind gets on the crazy train some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is not something they can follow with a written script. Another instance the other day. Phone rings
Me- Hello
TM- May I speak to Mrs. Caudill
Me- My Moms down stairs.
TM- May I speak to her?
Me- Sure, but it may take a minute.
TM- That’s ok
Me- I’m blind and can’t see how to get down the stairs without help. And my Moms only got one leg so it’s going to take her a while to get up the stairs. MOM, telephone.
TM- Ohhh K!
Me- She’s coming, can you hear that thumping noise, that’s her hopping up the stairs, she falls about half the time.
TM- Click

[soiltester]

Use to be most usually all my calls are camel jockeys and I jest' tell em' to git' back on their camel and ride back where they came from

Don't have caller ID and why pay for it and use it as an answering machine 10 to 12 calls a day at least 1 or 2 times a week
I don't even answer the phone any more and answering machine says "You've reached BR549, leave a message" and then it's a go click ... click!!.

[HunterGKS]

Try this one: "Ronnie's Morgue. You stab em, we'll slab em!!

[HunterGKS]

Custom tailored for you Ronnie!!!! No thanks necessary.

phone rings, receiver is picked up)
Ronnie: Ajax...AH-CHOO!
Telemarketer: God bless ya.
Ronnie: I don't need any outside help! Ajax Mortuary, where deadliness is next to Godliness.
Telemarketer: H-hello?
Ronnie: You keep sending 'em over and we'll keep putting 'em down. Way down. Way down upon the Swannee... AH-CHOO!
Telemarketer: God bless ya.
Ronnie: What you you, some sort of religious fanatic? What do you want, anyway?
Telemarketer: I was lookin' for a funeral house.
Ronnie: You're in like a porch climber! Ajax Mortuary's the name...DEATH...is the game!
Telemarketer: Well, deal me in! My brother's dead!
Ronnie: Beautiful! I love it! He's...he's not breathing, I hope.
Telemarketer: Oh, heck, no. He quit doing that about a hour before he turned blue.
Ronnie: MAGNIFICENT! How did he go?
Telemarketer: Well, as near as we can figure, he got a hold of a bad batch of chili con carne.
Ronnie: (shiver) That CAN be lethal.
Telemarketer: Boy, it sure turned HIS light off, I guarantee ya.
Ronnie: AH-CHOO!
Telemarketer: God bless ya.
Ronnie: Uh,...he was insured, of course...
Telemarketer: I don't know if he had a "Piece of the Rock" or not.
Ronnie: I...I realize that, at times like these, it's a...it's a real bummer to discuss finances.
Telemarketer: Don't worry 'bout it, partner. He's dead n' somebody's gotta pick up the "slab tab". I'll get that money if I gotta kill somebody.
Ronnie: Oh! Now, you're talking!
Telemarketer: Well, he's my brother. Y'know, I gotta stand good for 'im.
Ronnie: Yes.
Telemarketer: My whole family's that way: straight arrow. Ain't no stiffs among us, Mister, uh...
Ronnie: Mister Ronnie.
Telemarketer: Oh?
Ronnie: Ronnie Caudell, 93 Death Row, at your service.
Telemarketer: (laugh) You sound like you really dig your work.
Ronnie: Well, as I always say, "You don't have to smoke and drink to have fun." By the way, where IS your brother?
Telemarketer: Ol' Arnie? I stuffed him in the freezer so he wouldn't spoil on ya.
Ronnie: My, that was thoughtful of you. But he IS dead...
Telemarketer: Oh, he's gone.
Ronnie: Gone.
Telemarketer: Gone.
Ronnie: Gone!
Telemarketer: Gone to the great chili parlor in the sky.
Ronnie: All around the chili beans In the chili con carne/'Round the rancid hamburg POP goes ol' Arnie!
Telemarketer: (laughs) I'll tell ya, ol' Arnie, he'd've dug that!
Ronnie: AH-CHOO!
Telemarketer: Well, listen, I'm running real short on cabbage, y'know what I mean? What's the lowest you'll go? I mean, wh-what's the lowest you'll put a guy down for?
Ronnie: Eighty-nine-fifty, we'll put him down. Way down. o/~ Way down South in the land of cot-... o/~ AH-CHOO! AH-CHOO! AH-CHOO!
Telemarketer: Go-God bless ya.
Ronnie: What did you say?
Telemarketer: I said, "God bless ya."
Ronnie: You're not some sort of priest, are you?
Telemarketer: No. No. Look, now, this "eighty-nine-fifty" job, how's that work? You come pick 'im up?
Ronnie: Well, we have been awfully busy. Things HAVE been piling up.
Telemarketer: Well, as stiff as that sucker is, I guess it wouldn't be no trick to balance 'im on the back of my Honda. I'll just...I'll just...I'll just tie 'im on with some bailing wire. I guess I should be able to get 'im down there before he thaws. Where're you at again?
Ronnie: 93 Death Row. We'll be expecting you.
Telemarketer: Okay.
Ronnie: Thank you and good-bye. (hangs up receiver) Igor, drop whoever you're doing! We've got a LIVE one! AH-CHOO!

[Hoobilly]

True story
Telemarketer called asking for my wife
I reply yes speaking. He says no I want to speak with your wife.

I reply yeah your talking to her. He half laughs and said I really need to tell her something.

I tell him she ain’t got time.

He says I need to tell her I’ve got her panties.


I told him I know your lying.

He laughs and says how do I know. I tell him cause she doesn’t wear any.


This guy actually laughs and says good one and hangs up

[Fullfan]

Well I'm not so nice, I received a call several days ago. Woman wanting to talk about healthcare. Told her the only way she was going to talk to me is if it was dirty and about her sucking on something. And to my shock, she said " that is exactly why I called you, are you alone" She caught me off guard and I hung up, did not block the number though...

[Hoobilly]

Well I'm not so nice, I received a call several days ago. Woman wanting to talk about healthcare. Told her the only way she was going to talk to me is if it was dirty and about her sucking on something. And to my shock, she said " that is exactly why I called you, are you alone" She caught me off guard and I hung up, did not block the number though...

Hahahahahaha

[GLS]

This is the reverse. The funniest prank call of all times.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23eJYI7dKrU

[guesswho]

[Hognutz]

That is hilarious.
The lady caller is Wanda Sykes.

[Hognutz]

Here is another reverse prank call!
Stinkin hilarious!!


https://youtu.be/ttrzG5F4R3o

[guesswho]

Cute little Mexican midget